all in due time! :)

de kam in nigeria came and went and now de kam is in iowa, right where the good lord needs me to be, i couldn't be more confident. as i flew into the sioux falls airport just two weeks ago now, literally ran from the plane to the arms of my parents and sister....shed some tears, shared more laughs...and watch the world around me shift from the once unknown africa to the now known yet unknown america

my deepest apologies to those of you who caught me off guard here or there those first days and even at times still, as i describe it best at present its like a death and yet a life at the same time. those times i might have been silenced or seemed a bit withdrawn and less than happy to see your smiling face again was more or less what i would classify as what part of reverse culture shock i go through when the world around me seems to freeze and i've not a clue how to respond to the conversations around me. praise God that's only happened a hand full of times but none the less it has happened and i am sure will continue!

for those of you who have experienced the death of a loved one, you might understand that..and as more of us than not have had our lives changed by not only that but the birthing of a new child or spiritually a rebirth in Christ. either way i describe my time in nigeria not as just an experience, sure a season of my life but not even just that its like that of a new life entering into the world and changing bits and pieces of the loved ones lives forever. that's what's happened...at times sure it may go unnoticed or a bit too amplified and discussed or relived far too much but without one doubt i know that it will never leave me.

its like a new set of toes. yes i said toes. not shoes because those come and go but toes because they stay with you (well hopefully) forever...

with that said i come to the here and now, where God has me at present. the perfect place to be the present, "a gift from God" :) a time of discernment. a time of waiting. a time of seeking. and a time to breathe, refresh, and reignite.

i had planned to be gone 9 months and yet God had other plans prevail so here i am 7 months later in the mother land of rock rapids iowa living with my parents. many wonder what led to that. how that happened. what drove me home. all i can say is God. He alone deserves every bit of the credit. ever since i was led to serve with CRWM i sat with one question that always stayed a bit fogged and that was the time frame. sure i saw myself as staying past my flight date rather than coming home prior but a number of factors drove me out sooner.

GOD: after months of prayers prior to my departure and months continued with those on the field and back home, i woke one night and had not a question left in my mind. my flight date had to be changed and although i had my hesitations for explanations and understanding the details of why, i obeyed and followed the nudge. i responded and praise God so many others surrounded me the same.

STEWARDSHIP: not only of finances but time as well. too many times we just think we need to finish 'er out when that's not what God is saying. i've learned that my commitments are His above anything else and need to roll out of the palm of His hand not my own. Open Doors went on a 2 week break at the time that i chose to leave, marking a perfect transition out for both me, the national staff, and the students.

THE FUTURE: believe it or not, in that very same week after 'i woke with thee knowing' my ticket needed a change i heard from my partnering spiritual family in Sioux Center who had been thee main reason Jos Nigeria was of interest to me. they had had plans at a stagnant place while i had been gone and were acting away from their previous plans to work out there, instead we've now seen how God's placed just the right opportunities and clear headway for their work alongside another West African nation. therefore my curiosity of Nigeria for the sake of working with them no longer stood, a confirmation to what i had already been seeing God reveal to me

PASSION: whether i wanted to admit it or not during that first month i quickly discovered the difference between my love for cross cultural relationships and my full out drive towards the hispanic people. not only that but hospitality. in the position that i had currently been fulfilling in nigeria i was restricted in many ways that became a hindrance to how i feel i best serve. who knows really where and how God will develop this whether relationship by relationship or within a ministry or someday our nation or another, He can have those plans BUT what i must share is that my need not only to embrace and receive in a manner of outreach looked a lot more different than i expected. the ideal place for that to take root i discovered is indeed within my own homeland...

PRIORITY: if its looking like God doesn't have a definite place for me in Nigeria than why wade through circumstances where yes indeed i was enjoying learning, living, and serving along the mission community and people but where i knew there was just something more i wasn't yet seeing and that nudge of knowing saved me from my own destruction of filling just to fit. perhaps a bit understated previously my original flight was just set as a target date cause i wasn't allowed to go open ended...that's all it sat as and ultimately all it became and would have become whether or not i had answered the nudge that night, WHY??? let me tell you this one!

GOD IS GOOD. for those who have followed my Facebook, this blog, my prayer updates, or Nigerian news you clearly know the current state of tensions is definitely not the ideal peace making situation. in January fuel strikes kept me home, days at a time and then came retaliating behaviors from Christian youth after the second suicide bombing of a church target in March each factoring to my mission's decision to stop any further volunteers from coming to Jos AND putting the security committee within my mission on the edge with where i sat in the midst of all this. 2 1/2 weeks prior to my departure i was told that if another occurrence took place i would quite likely be sent home early. surprisingly that statement didn't come as an alarm, not necessarily a relief either for me (perhaps for the bit of my family who were aware though!) but definitely an element of respect grew from that as i took it as obedience...regardless of how it made me feel. thankfully i was able in the end to last those 2 1/2 weeks with absolutely no wahala as we would say but trouble in Jos UNTIL the week after my departure...there was some, minimal in my understanding but regardless i truly believe that if i had been there and never changed my date home that whether or not that incident would have sent me home i believe with everything in me that i would not have made it to my late may original date and thus i see it as the beautiful way that when God leads, He equips, He provides, He moves and we have got to sharpen up and listen or else it can leave you with a burn you could have lived without....knowing how good it is to be home but at how slow going the adjustment is i can't imagine what it would have been like if i had not mentally been prepared for my April 1st departure date and been sent home prior to my original May and then have to deal with no goodbyes and a sour taste for hellos here...praise God that is not the case, He deserves the full AMEN on this one

NOW WHAT? i am taking one day at a time as proverbs 16:9 says "in his heart a man plans his course but the Lord determines his steps" little did i know what more God could instruct me on that teaching. i began preparing for Nigeria with the full intent and thought that without a question of course this season was to grow into another and another and another but little did i know that not only had God actually wanted me at Open Doors for more than just an open door into the country but to teach, to challenge, to adjust, and to impact with His name on ever corner of my adapted work but that He would season and flourish within the life of my own and that of my husband-to-be's.

so at present i am living with a bit of my own missionary nigerian spirit. thanks to specific support for this adjusting season i am able to step into knowing this territory again and rediscover just how the lord wants to use my life hand in hand with joshua harland judd....of course we don't walk into that without much discussion, an exceptional amount of praying and seeking out, as well as great vision on what's to come and so much more BUT does all that really matter my friends or perhaps is LIVING BY FAITH not just walking by faith or being led by faith but LIVING something you can together learn with me/us??? we most certainly think so. so with a whole lot of communication, peace, direction, and security in Christ alone we walk forward knowing that as we remain one in Him He will never cease to watch over our lives and guide our everyway cause when He's made us what we are how can we argue? Everything He makes is GOOODD.

this is extremely long and drawn out but questions pile and you know me, this is just a sketch of everything. obviously there's more details to every bit of it and this is just my testimony at present. as God unfolds more my perspective will change and Lord willing He will refresh us all as that happens.

blessings, grace and peace
brose