One of the many favors my Mother has given me is a simple Bible verse on a recipe card. Mother's intuition or something sent me a near perfect one for my last few months: from Proverbs 3:5-6 Beth will trust in the Lord with all heart. She will lean not on her own understanding. She will acknowledge Him in all her ways and He will make her paths straight. The realities of that, leaning to learn rather than learning to lean, along with multiple answered prayers regarding the request in my last post for continued confidence in knowing His timing in making sense of my present and future decisions have factored into my announcement that I have indeed made the decision to shorten my time of service here with CRWM. Despite how good, bad, uncertain, or promising circumstances or feelings might appear "knowing You Jesus, knowing You there is no greater thing.." than to trust and obey when its Him who has our way, is that not right?
Thanks in advance for your patience and understanding along the way as even the bits I am able to share now cannot fully portray to you the confidence I have in how God has guided the steps before me. As a friend shared with me Its as easy as the difference in my timing versus God's. I can't argue with His and I don't need descriptive explanations. I need faith in the unseen because of the Seen...
Near exactly a year ago I first heard of this specific crisis [between the Muslim north and Christian south] as a fellow brother and sister in Christ shared the possibility of future mission expansion here. The idea of a potential need for a community developer within a religiously tense region highly interested me. As the details were left to God little by little doors began to open. When I was notified by my mission's home office about this volunteer position, I nearly confirmed my previous thinking: that there was no possibility of me ever serving within a denominational agency. But then I heard the location and I nearly gasped!
From that point forward the ball continued to roll much faster than I could have imagined and I credit every portion of it to the good Lord. No, I truthfully had no interest in special education BUT the thought of seeing God lay out the steps before me in answer to so many of my own and others prayers was without a doubt the beginning stages of learning to trust and obey to go where He sends, when He sends, and how He sends. Little did I know that this would become a routine lifestyle of mine...
Just weeks before my departure as I shared with a sister in Christ how I had no idea when God wanted me to return back to the States and reemphasized how I had longed for my requirements not to include a set return flight, she said similar words as these to me: Beth, it is just a date, it can be changed. Just don't get too set on it! Honestly before taking the step to step out in faith and test the waters, I could have never guessed I would indeed change that date...and PUSH it UP rather than back.
I was dead set in Nigeria; the place after all I was called to go and build contacts, resources, a pathway...what other purpose would God have than to keep me there then, right? Not so quick there Beth is what I needed to hear at that time, which many of you might have been saying in ways I wasn't willing or ready to hear wait for it... or in the words of a dear brother in Christ: Beth, never forget to leave room for God to make the plans. Right now you might see Him taking you to Nigeria for the purpose of returning long term, but don’t get too set in that; it might not be His plan after all.
The specific purpose behind those words were to remind me to keep God in control and with Him as my guide I couldn't go wrong...why such a reminder? Well, before me sat a great opportunity to begin one of the craziest rides of my life, getting to know a young American man who I had met just days before my leaving the country. And that you might think is the reason behind my date change, ERROR IN THINKING. That would be very much incorrect. This man has become a token of love from God to me. A visible sign that He will never leave us nor forsake us. Him a groomsmen from New York about to be deployed with the US Army and me a bridesmaid from Iowa about to be deployed with CRWM (hA!) to Nigeria in a dear friend's wedding...opening a journey only God could have made possible. After all with the distance between us and time to our disadvantage who else could pave the way like He has? Through various mechanisms outside of our power, He has brought us together and standing beside us...our families and we praise Him for that endlessly. Beyond saying that and that indeed what God has brought together let no man separate, marriage is just around the bend folks and that is no exaggeration!
But still circumstances, people, places, and agendas never MAKE it nor BREAK it for this woman.
Quite early on I began to have numerous challenging circumstances both on the here plate and the home plate that I shared with many of you personally and with others of you, perhaps not as much but don’t be concerned with that because one thing I have learned is that not everyone is to bear with one another in the same fashion. Each of you have been aware of what you have needed to be in accordance with what I trust has been obedience and necessary for the time being. Gratefully I can say that never have I questioned how God was carrying me or making me smile. He has been quick to show me both in my preparation time and in my time of serving here that it’s not about the circumstances that can be rejoiced or mourned over its about His constant and consistent presence within me. That is the security and the foundation upon which I must stand and in standing I must do it firmly!
As I said in the email message I would be foolish not to trust and in trusting KNOW with full certainty that He has the way made even when I can only see bits and pieces. On the last Wednesday night of November weighing options laid upon me and as I dozed off praying, I startled awake with an unexplainable knowing that didn’t have any more question marks on this or that direction; full confirmation was clear. I spoke with the MI home office the following evening and field staff, the day after. It was as simple as that a done deal and yet, questions loads and loads of questions with others racing wonderings and still the more I want to be precise and distinctive about the details of the matters, the more I can't and that's why I still leave this a bit on edge some of you might say and others, maybe you understand. You have been there when its no longer a matter of this thing or that thing it is most certainly A GOD THING!
Let God dust out any confusions. He's put my mind at ease. Given me the four months past to live, serve, and learn...the three months ahead of me to continue doing so and then whatever time frame He places it before me to report and share those discoveries, those lessons, those hardships, the uncertainties, the joys, the celebrations, and the pitfalls...God will make a way when there seems to be no way. He works in ways we can not see He will make a way for US. He will be our guide, hold us closely to His side with love and strength for each new day God will make the way. He will make the way.
In the words of a Nigerian sister one of the first weeks in my being here as I shared with her my breaking heart in sensing this wasn't for good. These words bring truth today: Beth you have brought me great encouragement already in your being here, in not backing down when crisis broke out, in coming, in fulfilling that. Who knows maybe God will use you as an ambassador for Nigeria or as a safe haven within the States for Nigerian missionaries to enter into your own country...we can't tell that but what we can is this, you have already spoken to us what we can't ourselves; in simply coming here, you were faithful.
So whatever that task before us whether great or small, no matter what the world around us is screaming, how out of the ordinary it might seem..please let us take up that challenge as those neon bracelets I sold/am selling stated led by faith; let us not become weary in doing good for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Let us not grow faint and let us certainly not tell God what endurance or timing must look like instead let us please praise Him for His answered most marvelous ways and not stop our trusting especially when we do not understand ~ Beth Rose, forever His
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. [Psalm 23:4]
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